hp
villainessbian:
“malinastharlock:
“littlemisspipebomb:
“stagmage:
“groblin-official:
“angstytwat:
“thewindowofthesummerhouse:
“ waldemar kazak
” ”
bitch ex wife. cant believe she took my orb
” ”
Omg that’s neat they made her knee… Wait a second… Both...
angstytwat

image
groblin-official

image

bitch ex wife. cant believe she took my orb

image

image

Omg that’s neat they made her knee… Wait a second… Both of her feet… Oh well um, in that case, Sweet cock. 😳👉👈

IT’S SWEET COCK SUNDAY

image
image
image
image
image
image
image

collection of posts that have made me yell YOU NEED TO PLAY RAIN WORLD out loud

Dealing with auditory processing disorder

LAWFUL: take the parts you heard and turn it into a clarifying question, e. g. "you saw your cousin where?" or "she's writing a what?"

NEUTRAL: "what did you say?"

CHAOTIC: take a wild stab at what the person said, e. g. "you want to baptize a mackerel?"

you’re not gonna believe the gas station i drove by today

image

image

@hamsahandprint hands ownership of this post to you

image

STOP BEING FUNNIER THAN ME ON MY OWN POST

OH MY &UCKING GOD!

image

Every time people’s ability to find the perfect recation pictures blows me out of the water. Which in this case would be very useful.

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince.  we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt

meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now.  it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own

smashcut to

fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection.  this feels wrong.

prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride

knight: it’s attempted murder

prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder

@chucktaylorupset  Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.

Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.

Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!

Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.

Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!

Wine is exactly like omegaverse fanfiction

I was GOING to say. That when you read a wine menu and see something like "notes of leather and wet stone" you think "did an insane person write this its grapes" but after youve read about wine and growing regions and the effect of oak barrels on aging and tasted a bunch of stuff and given it some thought you find yourself taking a sip of french syrah and thinking "mmm little bit of leather on the finish there" and all of a sudden that shits not crazy anymore. Youve been cooked in the soup. Youve been living in the monkey house.

With omegaverse fanfic. You -

You get the idea. Do the work for me. Please

image

Sorry tanuki fucker 91. I will be clearer. You get coated in the slick

image

i am jiggling a credit card in the door crack. life is a rich tapestry come take my hand we will weave it together.

what's your favourite colour of the sky?

image

[ID: A fake poll with several options, each one without text and filled in a with different color to match the "do you love the color of the sky" post. End ID.]

Ahh compressed for our convenience, just what I like to see